Mrs. Kormel Is Not Normal! Read online

  “Okay, everybody off the bus!” she yelled.

  We all got off the bus and went to the back.

  “When I say push, everybody push,” Mrs. Kormel yelled out the window.

  “One…two…three…PUSH!”

  I pushed with all my might. Everybody was grunting and groaning and moaning. The bus didn’t move.

  “Harder!” yelled Ryan.

  And then the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened.

  The bus started moving!

  “Hooray!” everybody yelled.

  Mrs. Kormel steered the bus back onto the road, and we all piled in. She told me my idea was great, and promised to drive carefully the rest of the way to school.

  The only one who wasn’t happy was Andrea. She was looking at her watch.

  “Now we’ve missed music class,” she complained.

  That was fine with me. I hate music.

  “Y’know,” Michael said, “maybe Mrs. Kormel isn’t a bus driver at all. Did you ever think of that?”

  “Yeah,” Ryan said. “Maybe she captured our real bus driver and has her tied up in a cave. Stuff like that happens all the time, you know.”

  “Stop trying to scare Emily,” Andrea said.

  “Maybe we’re being kidnapped,” I added. “Maybe Mrs. Kormel is driving us to her secret underground hideout at the North Pole, where she’s going to do unspeakable things to us.”

  “Like what things?” Emily asked, all worried.

  “I can’t tell you,” I told her. “They’re unspeakable!”

  “We’ve got to do something!” Emily said. “I don’t want to go to the North Pole!”

  That girl will fall for everything. Emily probably wanted to run away. But there was no place to run. She was stuck on the bus. So she started crying. What a baby!

  Once Emily started crying, it set off a chain reaction and other kids started crying, too. Some of the first graders said they wanted their mommies. Some kid peed in his pants. Everyone was freaking out.

  The fifth graders made a sign and put it in the back window—HELP! OUR BUS DRIVER IS DRIVING US CRAZY!

  I didn’t cry. I figured that it would be pretty horrible to be kidnapped and driven to the North Pole, but at least we wouldn’t have to go to school anymore. And they have penguins at the North Pole too. Or maybe that’s the South Pole. Either way, penguins are cool.

  “Are we there yet?” somebody asked.

  “KNOCK IT OFF!” yelled Mrs. Kormel.

  11

  We Finally Meet the Nude Kid

  The bus turned a corner, and we saw the big sign—ELLA MENTRY SCHOOL.

  “We’re there yet!” announced Mrs. Kormel.

  “Yippee!” yelled all the girls.

  “Boo!” yelled all the boys.

  Mrs. Kormel pulled the bus up to the curb, and Mr. Klutz came running over.

  “Bingle boo!” he said. “What—”

  But he never got the chance to finish his sentence because, at that moment, the weirdest thing in the history of the world happened.

  Mrs. Kormel must have leaned against the magic STOP sign button by accident. Because the magic STOP sign on the side of the bus swung out at the exact same time as Mr. Klutz arrived. The STOP sign smacked Mr. Klutz on the side of his bald head! He fell down! It was a real Kodak moment.

  Those STOP signs are dangerous!

  We all rushed off the bus to see if Mr. Klutz was okay. He stood up slowly. He looked like he’d been in a fight, or he’d drunk too much beer.

  “W-what happened?” he asked.

  “The STOP sign hit you in the head,” said Mrs. Kormel. “I’m so sorry.”

  “No, I mean why were you so late?” asked Mr. Klutz.

  Everybody started telling Mr. Klutz what happened.

  “We had a flat tire!”

  “We got kidnapped and drove to the North Pole!”

  “We went to the nude kid’s house!”

  “A.J. threw a doll out the window!”

  “Ryan ate his seat cushion!”

  “We got lost in the rainforest!”

  “We pushed the bus out of a ditch!”

  “We had a funeral for Striker Smith’s head!”

  “Well, I’m just glad you’re all safe!” said Mr. Klutz.

  “Did we miss the big spelling test?” asked Andrea.

  “Oh, your teacher Miss Daisy was out sick today,” said Mr. Klutz. “So your class had a substitute teacher named Ms. Todd. You’ll have your spelling test tomorrow.”

  “Yippee!” yelled all the girls.

  “Boo!” yelled all the boys.

  While we were yelling, the school bell rang. The front door opened, and kids started pouring out.

  “It’s three o’clock!” said Mr. Klutz. “Everybody back on the bus. It’s time to go home.”

  “Home?” said Andrea. “But we just got here!”

  “Bix blattinger!” yelled Mrs. Kormel.

  “Hey, wait a minute,” I said to Mr. Klutz. “Where’s the nude kid?”

  “Nude kid?” said Mr. Klutz. “What are you talking about, A.J.?”

  “You know,” I said, “the kid we were going to pick up before we got lost.”

  “Ohhhhh!” said Mr. Klutz. “You mean the new kid. He’s not nude. He’s new. Here he comes now.”

  This kid came over to the bus. He looked pretty normal. He even had clothes on.

  “What’s your name?” Ryan asked him.

  “Neil.”

  “Really?” Michael asked.

  “Yeah, my name is Neil Crouch.”

  “Is that your real name?” I asked. “Neil Crouch?”

  “Sure it is,” he said. “Why?”

  “Well,” I explained, “if your name is Neil Crouch, that means you can kneel and crouch on the bus.”

  “Why would anybody want to kneel or crouch on a bus?” asked Neil Crouch.

  “Because we’re not allowed to!” we all yelled.

  Sheesh! The nude kid has a lot to learn about being a kid. He’s weird. Me and Michael and Ryan decided to keep calling Neil Crouch “the nude kid” even if he did wear clothes.

  We all got back in the bus, and Mrs. Kormel pulled out of the driveway. Maybe she’ll get us back home before we die of starvation. Maybe we’ll find out what “bix blattinger” means. Maybe I’ll talk my parents into getting me another Striker Smith action figure. Maybe Neil Crouch will learn how to be a kid. Maybe I’ll pass the big spelling test tomorrow.

  But it won’t be easy!

  About the Author and the Illustrator

  DAN GUTMAN has written many weird books for kids. Dan lives in New Jersey (a very weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. You can visit him on his weird website at www.dangutman.com

  JIM PAILLOT lives in Arizona (another weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. Isn’t that weird? You can visit him on his weird website at www.jimpaillot.com

  Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.

  Credits

  Cover art © 2006 by Jim Paillot

  Copyright

  MY WEIRD SCHOOL #11: MRS. KORMEL IS NOT NORMAL!. Text copyright © 2006 by Dan Gutman. Illustrations copyright © 2006 by Jim Paillot. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  EPub © Edition SEPTEMBER 2008 ISBN: 9780061973314

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