My Weird School Special Read online

  Directions: Can you find all ten Christmas words that are hidden in this messy jumble of letters?

  6. ORNAMENT OOPS

  Directions: The ornaments on this Christmas tree all spell special holiday words, but it seems that a few have gone missing! Can you figure out the missing letters in each of these words? After you’ve found all of the letters, put them in order on the lines below the tree to reveal the answer to the mystery question!

  MY WEIRD SCHOOL TRIVIA QUESTIONS

  There’s no way in a million hundred years you’ll get all these answers right. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you!

  Q: WHAT IS A.J.’S SISTER’S NAME?

  A: Amy

  Q: WHICH STAFF MEMBER INVENTED A SECRET LANGUAGE THAT MAKES NO SENSE?

  A: Mrs. Kormel

  Q: WHAT IS MS. HANNAH’S DRESS MADE OF?

  A: Pot holders she bought on eBay

  Q: WHERE DO THE KIDS EAT LUNCH?

  A: In the vomitorium

  Q: HOW DID MISS SMALL BREAK HER LEG?

  A: She fell out of a tree.

  Q: WHAT DOES ANDREA DO EVERY THURSDAY AFTER SCHOOL?

  A: Clog dancing

  Q: WHAT IS ANDREA’S FAVORITE MOVIE?

  A: Annie

  Q: WHO DOES A.J. WANT TO MARRY WHEN HE GROWS UP?

  A: Mrs. Cooney, the nurse

  Q: WHAT DOES YAWYE STAND FOR?

  A: You Are What You Eat

  Q: WHO IS ELLA MENTRY SCHOOL NAMED AFTER?

  A: Ella Mentry

  Q: WHAT DOES MISS LAZAR HAVE IN HER SECRET ROOM DOWN IN THE BASEMENT?

  A: A museum of toilet-bowl plungers

  Q: WHY DOESN’T A.J. HAVE AN INVISIBLE FRIEND ANYMORE?

  A: He got into an argument with his invisible friend, so they stopped being friends.

  Q: WHAT FUEL POWERS MR. DOCKER’S CAR?

  A: Potatoes

  Q: WHAT IS BRAINWASHING?

  A: That’s when bald guys shampoo their head

  Q: WHAT IS A.J.’S FAVORITE HOLIDAY?

  A: Take Our Daughters to Work Day, because Andrea is absent from school

  Q: WHY IS PRESIDENT’S DAY SPECIAL, ACCORDING TO MICHAEL?

  A: Because that’s the day big-screen TVs go on sale

  Q: WHY ARE SHOVELS BETTER THAN COMPUTERS?

  A: Because you can’t dig a hole with a computer

  Q:WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN TEACHERS MAKES A PEACE SIGN WITH THEIR FINGERS?

  A: It means “shut up.”

  Q: WHY DO YOU CLAP AT THE END OF AN ASSEMBLY?

  A: Because you’re glad it’s over

  Q: HOW DOES MRS. YONKERS POWER HER COMPUTER?

  A: She runs on a giant hamster wheel.

  Q: WHAT IS SPECIAL ABOUT MRS. YONKERS’S PENCIL SHARPENER?

  A: It is remote-controlled.

  Q: WHAT IS DR. CARBLES’S FIRST NAME?

  A: He wants to be Frank, but his name is Milton.

  Q: WHERE DOES MR. KLUTZ GET A PIG?

  A: From Rent-A-Pig

  ANSWER KEY

  WHERE’S SANTA?

  WINTER WORD JUMBLE

  1. PNSRETE: PRESENT

  2. YJO: JOY

  3. WOSMNAN: SNOWMAN

  4. SBLLE: BELLS

  5. EGIHLS: SLEIGH

  6. SCHNETTSU: CHESTNUTS

  7. CNRAUERTKC: NUTCRACKER

  8. DRNEIREE: REINDEER

  GIFT GIVER

  SNOWFLAKE MATCH

  CRAZY-CHRISTMAS WORD SEARCH

  ORNAMENT OOPS

  WHO IS SANTA’S FAVORITE HELPER?

  MRS. CLAUS

  About the Author and Illustrator

  Photo by Howard Wolf

  DAN GUTMAN has written many weird books for kids. He lives in New Jersey (a very weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. You can visit him on his weird website at www.dangutman.com.

  JIM PAILLOT lives in Arizona (another weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. Isn’t that weird? You can visit him on his weird website at www.jimpaillot.com.

  The author invites you to visit his Weird School Store at www.cafepress.com/theofficialmyweirdschoolshop.

  Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins authors and artists.

  Back Ads

  Credits

  Cover art © 2013 by Jim Paillot

  Copyright

  MY WEIRD SCHOOL SPECIAL: DECK THE HALLS, WE’RE OFF THE WALLS! Text copyright © 2013 by Dan Gutman. Illustrations copyright © 2013 by Jim Paillot. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  www.harpercollinschildrens.com

  * * *

  ISBN 978-0-06-220683-1 (lib. bdg.) — ISBN 978-0-06-220682-4 (pbk.)

  EPub Edition August 2013 ISBN 9780062206848

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  FIRST EDITION

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  * I think it’s called a minivan because it was invented by some lady named Minnie.

  * Because she knows I don’t like it.

  * I wrote this poem in his honor: Ashes to ashes, dust to dusted. / We buried Striker because he was busted. / He was cool, but now he’s dead. / It’s hard to live without a head.

  * That works with revolving doors, too.

  * Man, there must be some big nuts if they need such big nutcrackers.

  * Only grown-ups can do that. I guess that’s why we go to school—so we can learn how to say one thing and mean the exact opposite thing.

  * Because if you’re whistling, nobody thinks you did anything wrong. That’s the first rule of being a kid.

  * Andrea