Bummer in the Summer! Read online

  Don’t believe me? Here’s Frank Epperson’s patent. . . .

  Wow! Maybe I underestimated you, Arlo. But let me ask you this. What exactly is summer?

  Huh? Any dumbhead knows what summer is. Summer is when you eat Popsicles.

  You can eat Popsicles any time of year! Did you know that when it’s summer in the Northern Hemisphere, it’s winter in the Southern Hemisphere?

  Of course I know that. Everybody knows that. What’s a hemisphere?

  You really don’t know anything about summer, do you? A “sphere” is a ball, like the earth. Hemi means “half.” So a hemisphere is half of the earth. There’s a Northern Hemisphere, where we live, and a Southern Hemisphere. The equator separates the two hemispheres.

  I knew all that. I was just yanking your chain. In the Northern Hemisphere, summer goes from June to August. In the Southern Hemisphere, it’s from December to February. For us, summer begins around June 21 and ends around September 23.

  Everybody knows it’s hotter in the summer than in the winter. But do you know why it’s hotter, Arlo?

  Because the earth is closer to the sun in the summer?

  That’s what a lot of people think. Actually, it’s the opposite! The earth is farther from the sun during our summer.

  Then why does it get hot in the summer?

  It’s all because of the way the earth is tilted toward the sun.

  The earth is tilted? Stop the world! I want to get off!

  Very funny, Arlo. The earth is tilted all the time, and it doesn’t change as we orbit around the sun. So when the Northern Hemisphere is tilted toward the sun, the sun’s rays hit that part of the planet more directly than at any other time of the year, and it’s hotter. Then, six months later, the Northern Hemisphere has tilted away from the sun. The sun’s rays don’t hit it so directly, so it’s colder and we have winter. And it’s the exact opposite for the Southern Hemisphere.

  I knew all that stuff.

  You did not.

  Did too.

  Let’s just agree to disagree, okay?

  I disagree with that.

  Here are a few more cool facts about the summer. . . .

  Did you ever hear the expression “the dog days of summer”? Those are the weeks between July 3 and August 11. They’re named after Sirius, the Dog Star. In ancient Greece, people blamed Sirius for the heat, drought, and sickness that arrived every summer.

  Did you ever wonder where the months got their names?

  Well, I know how they named the month of May. In ancient times, they didn’t have calendars, so people were never sure what day it was. They were really confused all the time. Sometimes they forgot all about the month that came after April and the one that came before June. So they named it May because it may or may not come each year.

  That’s ridiculous, Arlo! You made that whole thing up!

  Yeah, but it sounds good, doesn’t it?

  I’ll tell you how they really named the summer months. June was named after either Juniores, the lower branch of the Roman Senate, or Juno, the wife of Jupiter. The Roman general Marc Antony named July in honor of Julius Caesar. And Caesar’s adopted nephew Gaius Julius Caesar Octavius named August after himself. He held the title Augustus. You’ve got to have a lot of nerve to name a month after yourself.

  If you ask me, they should name a month Arlo.

  It’s too late. All the months are taken.

  Well, they should start a new month and name it Arlo.

  You can’t just start a new month, dumbhead! That’s not how it works. Let’s talk about summer foods. My favorite is watermelon. Did you know that watermelon isn’t a fruit? Technically, it’s a vegetable. It’s part of the cucumber, pumpkin, and squash family.

  Squashes have families? That must be interesting at Thanksgiving time. What do they do, sit on each other?

  Very funny, Arlo. You probably also don’t know that 92 percent of a watermelon is water.

  And the other 8 percent must be melon, so it has the perfect name.

  On average, Americans consume more than fifteen pounds of watermelon a year.

  And that’s not to mention all the watermelon that gets squashed during Thanksgiving.

  Speaking of summer foods, July is National Ice Cream Month. The average American eats about twenty quarts of ice cream a year. But that’s just the average. I think I eat twenty quarts of ice cream a day.

  Do you know what the most popular ice cream flavor is, Arlo?

  Banana bubblegum nut crunch surprise?

  No, vanilla.

  That was my next guess.

  According to Rolling Stone magazine, the best summer song of all time is “Dancing in the Street” by Martha and the Vandellas.*

  The world record for the most people applying sunscreen at one time was set on January 8, 2012 in Australia. Over a thousand people put on sunscreen for two minutes. That proves two things—there are too many world records, and Australians have too much time on their hands.

  Here’s something most people don’t know. Before the Civil War, kids didn’t get a summer vacation from school.

  What?! No way! That’s not fair! Bummer in the summer for them!

  It’s true. Many families lived on farms back then, and the kids were needed during the spring and fall to work in the fields, so school in those areas took place in winter and summer. It wasn’t until the twentieth century that kids got off from school for the summer.

  Okay, that’s all I know about summer. Professor A.J. out.

  And this is Andrea Young. I’m going to Harvard someday. Have a great summer!

  FUN GAMES AND WEIRD WORD PUZZLES

  SCHOOL’S OUT WORD SEARCH

  Directions: The school year is finally over for A.J. and the gang! Can you find the ten things that would make this summer a total bummer?

  SUMMER, SET, MATCH!

  Directions: Each of the words or phrases in the list below matches one of the words in bold. See if you can pair them up!

  Video ___________

  Ice ___________

  Ping- ___________

  Peace ___________

  Beach ___________

  Summer ___________

  Fairy ___________

  Holy ___________

  Swimming ___________

  SUMMER WORD JUMBLE:

  Directions: Unscramble the letters below to find out why A.J. and Andrea think summer is the most wonderful time of the year.

  WLAEMRENTO: ___________

  NCAEO: ___________

  RISEFBE: ___________

  OBLUAWGN: ___________

  ELCROO: ___________

  PESEL: ___________

  UFN: ___________

  WORDS YET TO COME

  Directions: Words can do weird things when you scramble them! See how many smaller words you can make from the letters in these bigger words. Try to come up with at least ten new, smaller words for each! Here’s an example:

  MY WEIRD SCHOOL

  1. Loom2. Cool3. Dries

  SPOT THE DIFFERENCES

  Directions: These two covers are identical. Well, almost. There are six differences. Can you spot them?

  MY WEIRD SCHOOL TRIVIA

  There’s no way in a million hundred years you’ll get all these answers right. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you! (Hint: all the answers to the questions below come from the My Weird School Specials, including this one.)

  TRIVIA QUESTIONS:

  Q: IF A.J. COULD HAVE ONE SUPERPOWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

  A: To fly

  Q: WHAT DID A.J. AND THE GANG START CALLING THEIR CAFETERIA AFTER A FIRST GRADER THREW UP IN IT?

  A: The vomitorium

  Q: WHAT’S A.J.’S FAVORITE HOLIDAY?

  A: Halloween

  Q: WHO DOES ANDREA WANT TO MARRY AND BUILD SAND CASTLES WITH?

  A: Mr. Sunny

  Q: WHAT TYPE OF ANIMAL DOES MISS MARY KEEP AS A PET?

  A: A bat

  Q: WHO INVENTED THE POPSICLE?

  A: Frank Epper
son

  Q: WHAT SEPARATES THE NORTHERN AND SOUTHERN HEMISPHERES?

  A: Billy

  Q: WHICH OF A.J.’S FRIENDS LIVES AROUND THE CORNER FROM HIM BUT GOES TO ANOTHER SCHOOL?

  A: The equator

  Q: WHO TRIED TO STEAL THE BURGER QUEEN GOLDEN EASTER EGG?

  A: Mayor Hubble and his wife, Bubbles Hubble

  Q: WHAT SWEET TREAT IS A.J. MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO ON EASTER?

  A: Peeps

  Q: WHAT REWARD DOES A.J. GET FOR RECITING THE EIGHT TIMES TABLE FOR MR. KLUTZ?

  A: He gets to dye Mr. Klutz’s head!

  Q: WHAT LANGUAGE DO MS. LAGRANGE AND PIERRE SPEAK?

  A: French

  Q: WHAT SHOULD WE CELEBRATE ON VALENTINE’S DAY?

  A: Tolerance, acceptance, and love in the world

  Q: WHO IS DRESSED AS FROSTY THE SNOWMAN IN SANTA’S WORKSHOP?

  A: Miss Lazar

  Q: WHAT DOES A.J. WANT EVERY YEAR FOR CHRISTMAS?

  A: A new Striker Smith action figure

  Q: WHAT IS MS. HANNAH’S FAVORITE COLOR?

  A: Green

  Q: WHAT SORT OF PRANKS DO MOST KIDS PULL ON MISCHIEF NIGHT?

  A: They throw eggs, soap up windows, ring doorbells, and cover trees with toilet paper!

  Q: HOW DOES A.J. KNOW HIS PARENTS WILL AGREE TO JUST ABOUT ANYTHING?

  A: They rub their foreheads with their fingers.

  Q: WHAT TIME DO KIDS START TRICK-OR-TREATING IN A.J.’S TOWN?

  A: Four o’clock in the afternoon

  Q: MRS. YONKERS HAS HER OWN COMPUTER COMPANY CALLED NERD. WHAT DOES NERD STAND FOR?

  A: New Electronic Research Development

  ANSWER KEY: SCHOOL’S OUT WORD SEARCH

  SUMMER SET MATCH!

  Video → Games

  Ice → Cream

  Ping- → Pong

  Peace → Sign

  Beach → House

  Summer → Reading

  Fairy → Tale

  Holy → Matrimony

  Swimming → Pool

  SUMMER WORD JUMBLE:

  WLAEMRENTO: WATERMELON

  NCAEO: OCEAN

  RISEFBE: FRISBEE

  OBLUAWGN: BUNGALOW

  ELCROO: COOLER

  PESEL: SLEEP

  UFN: FUN

  WORDS YET TO COME

  Here are just a few of the many words you may have found!

  SPOT THE DIFFERENCES

  About the Author and Illustrator

  Courtesy of Dan Gutman and Jim Paillot

  DAN GUTMAN has written many weird books for kids. He lives with his weird wife in New York (a very weird place). You can visit him on his weird website at www.dangutman.com.

  JIM PAILLOT lives in Arizona (another weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. Isn’t that weird? You can visit him on his weird website at www.jimpaillot.com.

  Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at hc.com.

  Copyright

  MY WEIRD SCHOOL SPECIAL: BUMMER IN THE SUMMER! Text copyright © 2019 by Dan Gutman. Illustrations copyright © 2019 by Jim Paillot. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  www.harpercollinschildrens.com

  Cover art © 2019 by Jim Paillot

  * * *

  Digital Edition APRIL 2019 ISBN: 978-0-06-279683-7

  Print ISBN: 978-0-06-279681-3 (pbk. bdg.)—ISBN 978-0-06-279682-0 (library bdg.)

  * * *

  1920212223PC/BRR10987654321

  FIRST EDITION

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  * Do you know what I like to do right after eating ice cream? Eat more ice cream!

  * Well, it would be pretty hard to see something with somebody else’s eyes.

  * Isn’t using big words fun? If you ask me, I should get a standing ovation.

  * What are you looking down here for? The story’s up there.

  * Betcha didn’t see that coming!

  * I’m just glad he didn’t mention the time I hypnotized Andrea and told her that her feet smell like rotten cabbage.

  * If you read this book out loud, give Dr. Brad a funny mad scientist voice. It will be hilarious.

  * How come all ghosts have an eerie cackling laugh? What’s up with that?

  * It was Mrs. Kormel who named Neil “the nude kid.” She told us she was going to pick up “the new kid,” and we thought she said “the nude kid.” That was weird.

  * Ask your parents, or maybe your grandparents.

  * Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

  * Well, that is if anybody had brought pins with them. But who brings pins to school? That would be weird.

  * What’s a Vandella? Nobody knows.